CAPTAIN'S LOG : 000043
MISSION : DOCUMENTING THE VISION
SUBJECT : THE COST OF TIME
VESSEL : THE MOONCHILD ENTERPRISE
CURRENT POSITION : BETWEEN REGRET AND ACCEPTANCE
SITUATION STATUS : REASSESSMENT IN PROGRESS
CREW STATUS : STILL FIGURING THINGS OUT
TARGET : YU (¥)
TRANSMISSION STATUS : CENSORED VERSION RECEIVED 3 — Captain V to Major YU.
Do YU read me?
¥ — Yes.
3 — Follow-up transmission on log 00042 :
The Nothing rarely arrives all at once. It accumulates. Over years. Sometimes decades.
I think I’ve finally found one of the ways it operates.
YU see, my husband Koen and I are both architects. We’ve been working together since 02004. And all those years we worked extremely hard. Sixteen-hour days were normal.
We even hired ten au pairs in a row. Ten. Sometimes I still can’t believe that number myself.
And every year I told myself:
“Just one more project.” “Just one more competition.” “After this things will calm down.”
Bu they never did.
Looking back, the real cost wasn’t financial, nor professional.
It was time. Quality time. The moments we never got back.
And perhaps that’s how The Nothing works.
Not by taking everything at once. But by taking tiny pieces. So slowly that YU barely notice.
Until years have passed.
The strange thing is that I genuinely loved my job. So did Koen.
Creating beauty never felt like work. Until it did.
Because the bigger the projects became, the more we started noticing a pattern.
Sometimes it felt as if the outcome had already been decided before the game even started.
Some people reading this probably know exactly why I eventually stopped believing every competition was a fair competition. Or why I stopped believing that integrity is always rewarded.
But here’s the thing : I’m not angry because we lost projects we never stood a chance of winning.
What stays with me is the price we paid. The evenings, the family dinners, the bedtime stories.
The moments I’ll never get back.
Because every time we worked on one of those competitions, I was once again the absent mom. Again. And again. And again.
And for what?
Remarkable how some offices really can obtain permits a few weeks after winning a competition. Not submit. Obtain. Incredible how fast some people are.
Or maybe it’s perfectly normal that a gentleman once showed up at our front door and explained that if we didn’t pay him, a project we had been working on for years would go to another office.
We never paid him. What he predicted eventually happened.
Interesting, isn’t it?
Preliminary conclusion : The Nothing doesn’t always appear as fear.
Sometimes it appears as a system. A culture. A game with rules nobody explains.
Still…
Looking back, I cannot ignore one inconvenient observation : Without those years in the Swamp of Sadness, I would probably never have found the time or the reason to write
The Story of YU.
Which does not mean I would recommend the training program.
Further investigation required.
— Captain V
End of transmission.*****
2* — That’s it???
3 — That’s it, Nikki ‘O.
2* — That’s all YU have to say after everything that happened?
3 — Yes.
2* — No, seriously. A gentleman shows up at our front door asking for money. The project disappears exactly as predicted. And your conclusion is: “I wouldn’t recommend the training program.”??
3 — We only look towards the future now, Nikki ‘O. There is no point in getting stuck in the past.
2* — The past?! WTF?? We are still feeling the consequences!!!
3 — It’s okay. Remember what YU learned at Anger Management Class.
2* — But…
3 — No but.
2* — Djeezes… no backbone. Pussy.
3 — Take it outside, Nikki ‘O. Not here.
*****
This is Captain V speaking from the bridge of The Moonchild Enterprise.
My official role is Compass. A moral Compass. Also known as Architype 3.
I am the Captain of this Crazy Circus of 9 Architypes. My job is to navigate this madness.
No, that does not mean I am the smartest one. Quite frankly, some of the others are far more brilliant than I am.
And no, it does not mean I am always in control either. Trust me. That would be nice.
My job is much more complicated than that. I listen, observe, translate. I try to make sense of what all the others are trying to tell me.
Because every Architype sees only part of the picture.
Curiosity sees possibilities and therefore falls in love with the next question.
Courage sees opportunities, but occasionally needs a filter.
The younger YU sees wonder, loves to play, sing, dance and occasionally press buttons she absolutely shouldn’t.
YU get the picture. It’s a complete madhouse. I am the one trying to see the whole map. I am also the one responsible for explaining the mission.
Because let’s be honest. If I let the others explain the entire YUNIVERSE on their own, half the audience would be inspired, the other half confused, and everyone would leave with a different interpretation.
So I translate. I connect the dots and turn chaos into direction. That is why I hold two planets in my hands.
One represents YOU. Your fears. Your wounds. Your forgotten imagination. The world nobody can fully see except yourself. The place where Conformity quietly keeps you safe.
The other represents YU. The larger world. Humanity, nature. The dreams, ideas, visions. Possibilities. The future we are trying to create together.
My task is to seek balance between these two worlds. And balance is not something I have mastered myself. Not yet. Like every Architype in this circus, I am still on my own YUGENING journey.
Sometimes I stand firmly in my power. Calm. Clear. Grounded. Certain.
But there are other days too. Days when I become tired. Days when I doubt myself. Days when the responsibility feels heavy. Days when I quietly wonder whether I have completely lost my mind.
Yet somehow, despite the chaos, we always seem to find our way forward.
Because a compass does not need to know the destination.
It only needs to know where True North is. That is my role.
And keep steering this beautiful Crazy Circus in the right direction.
YU.
***** ***** (OUTSIDE AREA)
